It's a broken system: Gender Roles

The world has changed a lot and often quicker than our social institutions can keep up with. Progress is slow in some areas and at times the world seems backwards because of this. When it comes to gender roles the social service industry is drastically behind the curve, stuck in a world of what once was. Yes, at one point, the services were desperately lacking for women and the situation was even worse for single mothers and thus countless services have sprung up, lead by visionaries in their field to address this problem and provide real help where it is needed. (And I will be the first to point out that in general the supply still does not meet the demand.)

In that world, men did not take care of the children if a marriage failed or they were often the ones to abandoned the relationship when a woman became pregnant,  the idea of child support was created for just this reason. However, the world has changed and gender roles with it, but the social service sector has yet to catch up.

Today, I witnessed and had the opportunity to meet a single father who was taking care of his 3 year old daughter after his wife passed away. The events in his life threw him into a world where we was both homeless and unemployed. His daughter and himself are living in a homeless shelter, not the ideal environment for a 3 year old, who by the way is the sweetest child ever. His focus was housing and getting his daughter into a better situation first, then and only then would he worry about focusing on himself. For this man his world was his daughter and you could see the love he had for her and the desire to protect her from the second he walked into the room.

It then became time to face the reality, as we entered what we knew would be a vain search. Phone call after phone call resulted in the same answer: "I'm sorry we only take women with children, men are not allowed." It appears we live in a world were men are not expected to be the care givers for their child. In fact, if you are living in poverty, the logical choice (if the mother is still present) is for the father to abandon the situation all together so the remainder of the family has a better chance of getting in to some sort of housing - an action I have seen several men have to take with no other options left for themselves or their family. It is sad that we are put in a situation where you often has to suggest splitting the family up as a means to get by and achieve basic necessities.

When this action occurs a stereotype is perpetuated and the system justifies itself. These fathers are then often given no other option then to live in a Men's Hotel, a place that has been described to me as both unsafe and drug ridden. This environment is especially detrimental to individuals who are recovering from an addiction. Thus, the cycle of poverty is recreated and for those lost within the system relapse is almost a guarantee.

And what about the loving father and his daughter? When will the system catch up? When will these individuals have someone speak up for them and allow this struggling father to give his daughter the life he so desperately wants to provide and the life they both deserve? When will people begin to realize that males care about their family too?

The current social service system and the countless agencies that make it up were created with the best of intentions, but it is time for change. It is time for people to realize that men are no longer the enemy and that they are not the only ones abandoning their children (countless women now sadly take this action as well.) We need an inclusive system, one that looks at the individual, at each situation separately . We need a system that can adapt beyond gender, because, as any anthropologist will tell you, gender will adapt to the society around it and in some cases change society. We need a country and system that realizes that gender is not static, now it's just a question of who will take the lead and it seems in this case the leaders have yet to emerge.