In a funk...

So I looked up from my work the other day and I felt kind of lost. For various reasons lately I've completely thrown myself into my work. It's provided a distraction that I've wrapped myself up in so I don't have to think about anything else. If I do well at work than I have succeeded and that's all I need to focus on doing, or so I've told myself. I've avoided personal reflection, I've avoided telling others how I'm really feeling and kept it all really surface level. This is the biggest flaw of mine, I know it and I have no solution to it.

I listen, all day I listen to clients, to volunteers, to friends, I listen and take it all in and provide support back, don't get me wrong it's something I love doing. I have real trouble taking the answer to "How are you doing" farther than anything but good or fine. As long as I respond that way I avoid having to go any further into analyzing my feelings and everything going on in my life. And now I have come to the conclusion that I lack any real personal connection with anyone around me, great right? Thus my funk.

So, when I looked up from my work the other day, all of this came crashing down on me and I felt lost. I am constantly surrounded by inspiring people; my volunteers, my close friends and those I serve, and I feel as if I do not fit in to this group. I feel lost and I feel beyond alone because of it. I fail at focusing on personal care and avoid doing it at all costs. Why? Because than I never need to confront my feelings and thus I throw my myself into everything else going on in my life. This has opened up my eyes a lot and I need to shift my priorities. For the first time in my life one of those priorities needs to be me. That's going to be one of the hardest shifts I'll ever make, especially when I focus my entire life on service to everyone else around me.

Well wish me luck!