It all comes back to self-care

Self-care. That concept was introduced to me in July as something that was essential to my survival in this upcoming year as an AmeriCorp Volunteer. I brushed it off, how hard could it be to watch out for myself. And here I find myself 6 months later, one fourth of the way through my two years, and I'm more emotionally drained than I have ever been in my life. I have not been watching out for myself  and here I find myself close to burn out, but I have learned a lot.

It's really stupid too. I don't have lunch scheduled in my day, we eat as we find time and yes that means some days I don't eat at all. I know it's not healthy. I don't remove myself for some sacred time to focus on my work and I do not take advantage of comp time as much as I should. I learned this beats me up. I woke up one morning and found myself worn out and unhappy because of it. I feel really stuck in a rut and I do not know what to do about it in the least.

My job has provided an overall strain on my day to day life and I know it should not be this way. I come home and have no desire to do anything when I want to accomplish so much. I think part of it might be the weather, having the day end before I even leave the office, it's not the best feeling that for the entire time the sun is out during the day I am sitting inside an office. Yes the work is worthwhile, but that thought is mildly depressing. I know that other part of it is that I am not watching out for myself and taking care of myself. But to be honest I am stuck and I have not had enough time to slow down and figure out why, yet I know I need to do so.

I have a two week break coming up in a week that I am really looking forward to so I can reflect on everything going on in my life. I feel stuck and don't know what to do. My work is meant to bring me daily fulfillment, that's what service is all about but it more exhausting than I ever thought possible. I come so close to snapping on my clients on a daily basis and it's all because I am a point where I do not know how to turn things around.

I have never been in a more emotionally drained point in my life than I have ever thought possible. A friend once told me that sometimes we focus so much on helping others that we do not pause to help ourselves. It all comes back to self-care, something I am learning more and more everyday I am not well prepared to address until I drive myself to the point of burn out.

It's time to make a change at this point in my life to focus more on how I can watch out for myself. This is my next goal. Taking time to help myself so I can successfully help others.